The Value Of Working With Anger In Relationships

The initial burst of hormones that produce the intense feelings of love subsides within a few months. After that, day-to-day feelings are transitory reactions to changes within — physical resources (energy, hunger, thirst, etc.), hormonal ebbs and flows, memories, sensations, thoughts, and ego-defense — and to changes without: perceptions of the environment and other people. On a routine basis, feelings are about temporary variations in comfort, convenience, pleasure, and status.

Values, on the other hand, are stable over time and ultimately supported by a sense of character. While feelings create temporary importance, values give enduring meaning and purpose to life. Feelings may forge committed relationships, but values sustain them. The power of love is not in what if feels like. The enormous power of love comes from the value and meaning it brings to our lives.

Those who act on their feelings more than their values will fail at committed relationships, simply because no one feels like remaining true to their values most of the time.

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